[Derek] It'll Be Okay

[BOBBIE JACQUELINE BRYAN]

- Bobbie balanced the pen on her upper lip, crossing her eyes as she watched to make sure it was sitting correctly when she heard someone say her name. The teacher looked at her, giving her a sympathetic look. “ Bobbie, Mr.Pierson would like you to come to his office,” he said. Bobbie threw her hand to the side, “ My skirt is not too short, I used a ruler.” she said defensively before the teacher shook their head, restating that she needed to go to the office. “ Ugh this is bullshit. Someone somewhere is getting high and I’m being given a scarlet letter for looking good” she said, picking her books up before she made her way out to the principal’s office. Once she was there, she looked around. Every one seemed really quiet. “Hi…” she said hesitantly, moving back towards his room. When she stepped inside, Nick, her dad and the principal were all there. As well as the counselor. “ What the fuck,” she said, looking around the room. “ It’s a break up. That happens, we’re teenagers. You don’t have to get the parents and counselor involved. Are you fucking kidding me,Nick?” she questioned, growing angrier with each second. ” Bobbie, please sit down” her dad said. Bobbie looked up at him, he looked so…..sad. Which was a strange look on him. Surely he wasn’t that invested in a highschool romance. Bobbie narrowed her eyebrows in confusionas she moved to sit down. “Bobbie… your… your mom was in an accident this morning. The doctor… he did everything he could,” he started off, choking on his own words as tears started to form. At this point Bobbie was staring blankly, her mouth hanging open. ” What does that mean…” she said dully as she looked around the room. Nick wouldn’t even look at her. ” WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?” she screamed at them. “Bobbie, she didn’t make it” her father said quietly, reaching his hand out to touch her own. Bobbie pulled it back. “No.. you’re lying. I want to see her,” she said, standing up and pushing the chair away from her as she moved out of the room. “ She’s gone” he echoed after her as he chased behind her. “ I WANT TO SEE HER!” Bobbie screamed, this time at the top of her lungs, as she turned the hallway down to the lockers. She needed her car keys. She needed to go find her mom. “ Bobbie! She can’t be seen. She’s dead. It’s going to be okay!” Nick called out towards her. Bobbie stopped short looking at Derek who was at his locker. She probably looked crazed, breathing heavily, hair in her face, her eyes wide with anger. “I have to go see her, they won’t let me see her,” she said in frustration.

[DEREK EDWARD PARKER]

Derek left class, slipping out the door without being noticed while the teacher was writing something on the board. Who was gonna rat him out? He never gave did anything of notability in class anyways. He had every intention of skipping class because he was not learning anything whatsoever that he hadn’t learned in Miami. Perks of going to a charter school. Derek opened his locker to grab his jack when he heard someone yelling down the hall way. Derek turned to look seeing Bobbie approaching him, looking like an emotional mess. It took in a moment to take in what he had just heard. Did Nick just say that someone was dead? Derek looked back at her after looking at Nick trailing behind her, hearing her say she needed to go see her? Her who? Her mom? Derek blinked a few times, letting that sink in. Okay? It was gonna be okay? For Derek it hit too close to home. Do you know how many people had told him it was going to be okay, how many had said he was going to be okay? Lies. Who even invented that phrase? Someone had died, how was that okay? It wasn’t. “What happened,” he said, more needing to know than asking.

[BOBBIE JACQUELINE BRYAN]

Bobbie held her hand up impatiently to the side as if to gesture to her father, “ He’s saying she died.” she frantically spoke out, looking back at Derek. “ Mom, car accident” Nick said from behind her. “ She’s not dead, Derek. She can’t be dead. She made me Belgian waffles this morning. We’re supposed to go look at my prom dress after school. She can’t be dead, she’s supposed to be at the store in an hour,” she said, as though that made obvious statement. “ I’m not really sure we’re going to prom anymore…” Nick said quietly from behind her. Bobbie closed her eyes and took in a deep breath before looking at Derek. “ They’re lying. I know they are. I just need to see her. I just want to see her. Someone needs to let me see her… I have to” she said, opening her locker to get her jacket before pulling it on quickly, looking for her car keys. “ You shouldn’t be driving…” her father said, meaning because she was an emotional wreck right now. “ Not a good day for the Bryan women to be driving” Nick echoed, his hands in his front pockets. “ I WANT TO SEE HER!” Bobbie screamed out again “ Bobbie, you have got to calm down, everything will be fine,” Nick said again, putting his hands up as he approached her.

[DEREK EDWARD PARKER]

If Bobbie’s mom was in a car accident and passed away, Bobbie sure didn’t believe it. Derek felt his heart sink to the pit of his stomach, hating the familiar feeling creep up on him. Derek nodded, he’d eaten those waffles this morning too. He’d literally just saw her mom. She was everything Bobbie got all her goodness from. Derek looked at Nick like, dude, what the fuck, her mom died and all you got out of that was that you’re no longer attending prom together? What was wrong with this guy? Okay her dad was right, she shouldn’t be driving. She was far too emotional right now, but Nick could just shut the fuck up because he was a useless, waste of space right now and people like him were exactly the ones Derek had wanted to punch for the last month and a half. Derek felt his hands ball up into fists, and then let them go, letting out a breath and then said to him sharply, “Don’t tell her that, what is wrong with you?” Derek looked back at Bobbie, softening, placing his hands on her shoulders, “Bobbie, look at me. Look,” he said, finding her eyes, “Are you absolutely sure you want to see? Really think about it, because once you see it, you can’t undo it, do you understand what I’m saying?” Derek lowered his voice, talking gently to her, “Bobbie, please, I would hate for you to have that image stuck with you. We can go somewhere else, anywhere you want…” he pleaded. Derek felt so desperate to make sure she did not go see the body. If there was anything in his life he wished he could erase from his brain, it was that. It was what haunted him in his dreams, kept him up at night, and taunted him while he was awake. He’d hate to know she had to live through the same torment.

[BOBBIE JACQUELINE BRYAN]

Bobbie couldn’t even register all of the little remarks that Nick was making. Or the fact that principal and her dad were speaking in hushed tones. All she could think of was the fact that she felt stuck here, and she needed to get out. People were lying to her, and she wanted to hug her mom and for her to tell her that everything was normal, that they were lying and that they were having pasta for dinner. Bobbie felt crazed, trying to pull up the zipper on her jacket when she felt Derek’s hands on her shoulders. It took a moment for her to focus in on his eyes, but she finally did, ignoring the chaos that was going on around her. Or maybe she was the chaos. “ Mr. Parker, you aren’t permitted to just leave the campus,” the principal said, clearly not understanding Derek’s place in her life. “ She’s dead?” she questioned, looking at Derek. She trusted him. He hadn’t cheated on her mom. He hadn’t tried to ultimatum her into sleeping with him. He had been honest for the time she knew him. “ She’s really gone?” She felt the shaking start in her fingertips before she closed her eyes shut, screaming at the top of her lungs. Nick had flinched his eyes, turning his body away, while Bobbie had fallen back against her locker, holding her fingers into the side of her hair as she continued screaming. Bobbie's dad had stepped in, whispering to Derek. " Clearly Nick and I shouldn't be around her. Please make sure she gets home tonight." he said to him, watching his daughter like he wanted to hold her, but obviously that wouldn't be in his best interest since Bobbie might attack him before he solemnly stepped away.

[DEREK EDWARD PARKER]

Derek didn’t move, watching her reaction. Well. At least it had begun to sink in some. Step one; denial. Step two; anger. That’s about where Derek was. She was getting there. Derek reached out to touch her arm. It wasn’t much comfort at this point but at least she knew he was there. Whatever he could do to help her, even if it was miniscule. Her dad had come over and Derek could tell her felt helpless. But wasn’t he? Bobbie’s relationship with her father had already been a tumultuous one, and now she didn’t want anything from him. Derek nodded though. Sure, she needed to be out of here. Derek took his coat and threw it on, reaching over and zipped her jacket up before taking her arm, “Come on, let’s get out of here, away from all this.” He gently coaxed her out of the school and to his car, keeping her close. Fuck that principal, Derek had every intention of leaving campus before any of this happened. Derek opened the car door and made sure she was in before shutting it and getting in the driver’s side. He wasn’t sure where they were going at this point, just away from here. As he pulled out of the parking lot and onto the road, he reached over and took her hand, holding onto it. This was unreal. And Derek really didn’t know a lot of places here, but he knew how to get to her theater. And so that’s where he headed, parking the car and sat for a moment in silence, collecting his thoughts.

[BOBBIE JACQUELINE BRYAN]

Derek had zipped up her hoodie, he had been kind and cautious. Nick had stood there like a fucking moron. But she was grateful for Derek, grateful that he seemed to be able to get her body to move. Because she sure as hell wasn’t having an easy time with it. Even in his car, she kept her forehead against her knees as they were pulled up to her chest. Not her mom. How was she supposed to get through life without the one person that brought her into it? In every sense of the word.. she was the one person she had always counted on, trusted, loved. Her father had betrayed them, her mother had always been so strong. ” It should’ve been him,” she said quietly, though the answer was present in her tone. Why her instead of him. She had done nothing wrong. He was the bad husband, the father who betrayed them. The selfish man who had taken his family for granted. Why did she have to go? What was she even doing? Why was she out driving around at that time of the day? She could feel the obsession starting to form in her mind. What did her mom need? Why couldn’t she have texted her dad or her daughter to get it for her. Because right now, Bobbie would give anything to be laying on a silver slate in a hospital in place of her mom. She would do anything for her mom to take what years Bobbie herself had left. Bobbie looked up, noticing that they were at the theater and finally realizing that he had taken his hand in hers. Bobbie squeezed it slightly, not a lot considering she didn’t feel like she had much energy, but enough to let him know that she wanted him to keep it there. Theater was where she had turned to, to escape the drama of her fathers affairs. Would it be enough to cover the gap in her life that her mom left behind? Probably not. She almost hated this place, but it brought a strange sense of comfort at the same time. This was her and her moms place. Her dad didn’t belong here. Derek could belong here. Bobbie took in a few breaths before looking at Derek, “ I don’t want to talk to her, I don’t want to say it…” she said, referring to Miss Maggie inside, under the assumption that they were going inside.

[DEREK EDWARD PARKER]

Derek nodded, though he knew she couldn’t hear him nodding. He could relate to how she felt, but every situation was still different. Yeah he wished Drew was still here but he hadn’t thought of anyone going in his place. Derek wondered what her relationship with her dad was going to be like from here on out. He sighed, knowing she didn’t want to talk to Miss Maggie, “I know. You don’t have to. We don’t have to go in if you don’t want to.” Honestly he just didn’t know where else to go, everywhere felt kind of wrong. Still, he reluctantly got out of the car and opened her door, offering what wouldn’t be considered an actually smile on any other day, but it was enough to say, hey I feel ya. He took her hand and they went in anyways, “We could watch a movie if you want to. I don’t know how to set anything up…” Maybe it’d give her a moment to herself and he could explain to Miss Maggie what was going on. But he really didn’t want to leave her alone for too long either. She really just needed someone to just… be there. Surely she knew he wasn’t going to make her talk about anything she didn’t want to, just like she hadn’t with him.

[BOBBIE JACQUELINE BRYAN]

When he came to get the door for her, she looked up at him. Everything about this felt robotic. She was supposed to be getting excited about meeting her mom at the store right now, inching to get out of class. But instead she was at the theater, and her mom was laying somewhere lifeless. Bobbie took his hand, pulling herself out of the car, but remained holding onto it tightly as they walked inside. A movie could be fine, though it didn’t seem like enough to distract her from herself. When they got inside she slowly let go of his hand, leaving him with Miss Maggie, all to themselves. She’d never been so rude as to not talk to Miss Maggie before, but honestly, what was there to say? She couldn’t put on the smile and hug her and be in ‘everything is perfect’ land. Bobbie went up and looked through the old collections, trying to find a movie - but honestly, she wasn’t trying at all. To the outside person she probably looked like she was being attentive, carefully reading each title to find the perfect movie. But all she could think of was her mom. Did she suffer? Was it a drunk driver? Did anyone else lose their mom in this accident? Did she scream? Bobbie closed her eyes, trying not to imagine what that would sound like. Did she think of Bobbie before her heart beat one last time? Did she fight to stay alive? Did she try? Bobbie covered her hand over her mouth, trying to fight the sobs that were coming. If it wasn’t for the fact that she didn’t want to damage Miss Maggie’s theater, this cart of dvd’s would be on the floor by now. But nonetheless, Bobbie just grabbed a movie, not looking at the title before she placed it in and went to put together everything else. She made her way towards her seat with her initials, and now Dereks’, thinking he would meet her there. But instead of sitting down, when he approached the seats she stayed standing, holding his hand in her own as she looked down at the two of them joined together. Her mom hadn’t known someone like Derek. She hadn’t known a relationship where she could trust someone. And just as sure as she was that this was brand new ; her gut also told her it was real. And that was scary as hell. But it was also something her mom died without having. Bobbie swallowed hard, closing her eyes one last time before she stood on her toes, placing her free hand against the side of his cheek as she kissed him softly. After pulling away she sat down quietly, moving the armrest between them so that she could curl up to him. “ I can’t go back…” she said, thinking of home. What made it home was her mom. She had no use for her father. It wouldn’t be the same not having her mother there when she walked in the door.

[DEREK EDWARD PARKER]

The thing that sucked most about this was there was literally no place they could go and nothing he could say that would keep her mind off of everything that had just come crashing down on her. Derek wondered if this was how other people felt around him. Like, wanting to help but not being able to do a damn thing. As Derek explained to Miss Maggie what had happened, he watched her face turn to sadness. “Poor child,” she said quietly, going to sit down, clutching her chest, “I feel awful. I wish there was something I could do.” “Me too.” Derek sighed, seeing that Bobbie had returned with a movie and went into the theater after her. Derek watched her, searching her eyes for a hint as to what she might be thinking, but he was at least able to look at her without pity in his eyes. She didn’t need pity, she needed someone to understand what she had to go through now. The ups and downs, the bad days, and the good. The smallest thing could make your mood go south in seconds. Derek held her hands and let her kiss him. What was she thinking about him currently? Either way he gave her hands a squeeze, sitting down beside he and pulled he against his chest. Lately he he’d been a little emotionally disconnected from everyone, drowning in his own emotions, letting it eat him alive. Bobbie had been there to take some of that weight off his shoulders. Derek knew she needed someone to do the say. He could hold her together, he’d do it regardless of whatever else was going on. He let her lean in to, arms around her, running his fingers through her hair softly. He wasn’t sure either of them was watching the movie, but it was a good cover for the way they were sitting in silence. He wasn’t sure of anything eight to say. He could think of a lot of wrong things to say. He’d just have to settle on just being there.

[BOBBIE JACQUELINE BRYAN]

It seemed fairly obvious that neither of them were watching the movie ; and that it had been a complete cover to allow for them to sit there silently. Because otherwise, she might risk saying something. And really, she felt like she had nothing she could say, except “ This doesn’t feel real,” she said, suddenly confused again as she narrowed her eyebrows and shook her head. “ You’re the only thing that feels real,” she said quietly, finding a strange comfort in the way his fingers combed through her hair. She didn’t even know what movie this was, hadn’t paid enough attention to try and understand what the plot could possibly be. She just wanted to sit here, with him, away from everyone else. She didn’t want to go back to school and have people stare at her. She didn’t want to go home, and have her father try to comfort her for once in his damn life. She just wanted to be here ; wherever he was. So they sat quietly, just sitting there, holding each other, until she noticed that the credits were rolling. Had she even blinked? “ Can I please come home with you?” she asked him, half already knowing the answer. Bobbie closed her eyes, trying to relish these last few moments in silence with him before she reluctantly stood up. But there was this sudden nausea that overwhelmed her, causing her to move quickly for the first time since she’d heard the news, running to the bathroom so that she didn’t make more of a mess for Miss Maggie. She stayed in there for a few moments, clinging to the porcelain as she did everything to fight the tears from coming again. She wasn’t sure how long she was in there, a few moments or ten minutes. But eventually she rinsed her mouth off , brushing her hair away from her face and finally making her way back towards Derek ; the only thing she was sure of right now. Which scared her beyond belief since she had known him for such a small fraction of her life. “ I want your grey sweatpants” she said, almost robotically as she got into the car. Hopefully his mom wouldn’t think she was rude. Hopefully Dylan wouldn’t want to talk about what had happened in the chat last night. She just wanted to sit… or lay, or anything, next to Derek.

[DEREK EDWARD PARKER]

The weirdest thing about this for Derek was the fact that it all felt like he had just gone through this. Watching her was like looking into a mirror and he couldn’t shake the thought of like, id this how people felt around him lately? The whole, wanting so bad to do something to help, but being so helpless? It was no wonder Blake was so angry at him. Derek blinked a few times, kind of taking it in, the way they ran parallel, “Kind of like a dream, like you might wake up from it.” Derek knew this movie was just a time buffer, an excuse to be alone from everything, a way to just, let it sink in. It was cheaply bought time before they’d have to go back to the real world where shitty things happened and you had to face the demons and you realized your life was changed permanently. There’s was no waking up from this, that was the bitter reality. The theater was like limbo. The moment they walked out those doors, that was when the rest of her life would start again, this time without one of the most important people that would ever be a part of her. When the movie was over Derek nodded, “Of course,” because, where else would they go?



When they got to his house, Derek took a breath and let it out. He turned to look at Bobbie, taking her hand for a moment, “If you want to go put sweats on that’s fine, I’ll be up in a minute.” Derek headed in to the kitchen where his mom was cutting vegetables and Dani sat at the table drawing pictures of horses. Blake was over too, much to Dani’s delight. “Hey honey, you’re… home at an odd time. Is some one here?” “Yeah… Bobbie’s here.” He said stepping closer to her while she looked around, expecting Bobbie to pop in from the hallway, “Oh, where is she at? I think she’s going to like what I’m making for dinner, she’s welcome t stay-“ “Mom,” he said, cutting her off. He knew she could tell by his tone of voice something was up. “What’s wrong?” Only everything.



“Bobbie’s mom was in a car accident this morning. They took her to the hospital but she didn’t make it.” He lowered his voice, not wanting Dani to hear, though she was so consumed in horses over there anyways. Even saying it sounded terrible, the lump in his throat catching. He just felt so terrible, having to watch her go through the motions as reality sunk in. “No….” his mom whispered, covering her mouth. Derek nodded. Yup. “Oh honey. Where is she now, she isn’t with family?” Derek shrugged, “Upstairs. She didn’t want to go home. Don’t count on her eating.” “Well you tell her she can stay as long as she needs to, I can make something else she likes, what does she like?” Derek hadn’t even noticed Dylan standing there, having come up from the basement with a beer. “Is this really happening.” More of a statement for his own benefit. For a moment they all just sort of stood there. It was weird to think how commonly people had to go through stuff like this. It had just happened to them, and now it was happening again for someone close. Derek just felt like crying. Or going to bed. Life was unfair. Seeing Bobbie like this made him feel sick. Because he knew what she was feeling and he knew it was awful. He just wanted to go upstairs and put sweats on too and lay around. Derek walked over to the table in the kitchen, rubbing his hand over Dani’s hair. She was just so little still, naïve. He wished he could have some of it. Really he just wanted to hug Blake because he got it now. He wished he could say he was that understanding, but it took a tragedy to understand how he affected other people. It was a big slap of reality for him, but he was glad he got it. He leaned down to hug her, squeezing her tighter than she was probably used to from him, but he never wanted her to feel like he was shutting her out ever. “I’m so sorry,” he said quietly, “Please don’t be mad at me forever.”


Derek headed upstairs, finding Bobbie in his room and changed into a pair of sweats before laying back on his bed and held his arm out as an invitation. They could just lay here until they figured out what to do, or just lay here. He didn’t mind. It didn’t feel weird that he just wanted to hold her, but it certainly felt crazy to think a week ago they were barely acquaintances. Now they were part of each other’s lives.

[BOBBIE JACQUELINE BRYAN]

Bobbie moved quietly through their home, going upstairs to what she felt like was a safe zone. It was strange, having control of your body, but not your mind. She couldn’t stop thinking about things that made her want to scream out in frustration. Her mom wasn’t going to be there to see her graduate. She wouldn’t be there for her first day of college. Or to see her get married. Or to see her have a child. Every single moment that was being stolen from her felt like a dagger straight to her heart each time a new one occurred to her. Her husband had been a shame, and Bobbie was too young to have kids right now. So her mom’s legacy was what… her? A mediocre singer who, according to Nick, wasn’t actually going to go to the city and accomplish anything. She’d never felt like such a failure in her entire life. She moved her hair off the side of her neck, finding the pair of his sweatpants that she wanted to wear. As she pulled them on, rolling the top a few time so they would stay on her hips before she moved to look for a t-shirt to wear. She rummaged for a bit, more to give herself something to do, finding a soccer t-shirt and placed that on.

Bobbie looked around his room, tracing her fingertips across some of his things. It was one thing to have taken in his hobbies last time and figure out his quirks, but you could always find out so much more about a person based on their little trinkets. But anything else to focus on felt like it was good to put her attention towards. She tilt her head slightly, looking at pictures. There was this guy in all of their pictures. Maybe he was a cousin and just didn’t get talked about because he wasn’t Blake Parker. Bobbie took hold of one of the picture frames, picking it up as she placed her fingertips on the glass, looking at the smiling faces inside of it. If you could capture a moment that defined your life… what would it be? She looked up as Derek came inside. “ You have to eat…” she whispered towards him. Bobbie watched as he climbed onto his bed after changing, putting his arm out. She bit the edge of her lip, moving towards him as she laid down, holding onto the picture as she curled up to him so that she was slightly on his chest while laying on her back. “ Who is this?” she questioned softly as she held the picture frame. Whoever it was, sure held a lot of stock in the pictures around the room. It was strange she hadn’t really noticed it before.

[DEREK EDWARD PARKER]

Derek looked over when she spoke, not even having realized she was holding one of the pictures from around his room. He had to expect she’d ask about it eventually, it wasn’t as if he was hiding it. He loved having pictures of Drew around. It helped him remember him the way he was before, so he could remember him the way he wanted to. It was why he had been so against Bobbie seeing her mom today. It wasn’t an image you wanted ingrained in your brain, and when you did you resorted to staring at old memories, trying to snatch them back and bury the one thing you couldn’t seem to get rid of. And even now, as he looked at the picture, the smallest of smiles worked its way onto his features, a weird combination with the sadness in his eyes, but when he spoke, however softly, he could still feel the pride in his voice at being able to say it. “That’s my brother.” Even after it all, the lowest of lows, the downest of days, and every day Drew almost gave in to his ultimate fate, Derek was still proud to call that guy his brother. Because when he was high, he was on top of the world, and he had been the best. “His name was Drew.” His name was still technically, and would be forever, Drew, but that was the easiest way for him to say it that she could understand, without having to say the damn words. Because saying them really sucked bad.

[BOBBIE JACQUELINE BRYAN]

Bobbie kept her fingers on the edges of the picture frame, not wanting to leave too many finger marks on the glass. She narrowed her eyebrows as he said that was his brother. She hadn’t met him yet. She was busy trying to calculate when she would be able to be here again, with everything going on. Maybe she could meet him. But then he continued. His name was Drew. Bobbie stopped sliding her finger along the side of the picture frame, looking at it motionless for a few moments. This picture wasn’t old. It was recent. She would go so far as to say maybe even within the last three months. How could she be so selfish in our own world right now to not see that he was hurting? She wasn’t going to ask him if he was okay. She didn’t imagine this pain got any easier to live with. Bobbie sat up, setting the picture on the nightstand. “ Can we just stay here? Forever?” she asked, moving so that his body was completely surrounding hers as she nestled in. Bobbie laid her head against him, tracing her fingertips along the inside of his arm as she looked down at his hand, slowly moving her own hand so that she was intertwining her fingers with his and let them both rest on the bed. How was she going to sleep with what was going on in her mind… or even now knowing that Derek was going through his own form of hell. She turned her cheek to the side, enough so that she could kiss his arm before taking in a deep breath. Normally when she heard a door knock and she was in a guys room, she would at least attempt to get up. But as the door opened, she stayed still. This is where she wanted to be, in his arms. She didn’t want to get up, she didn’t want to get out of bed. Right here, everything was perfect and fine. Right here, she was a normal girl at a guys’ she liked house. She could make her own reality with him if she wanted to.