[Derek] Pause

[BOBBIE JACQUELINE BRYAN]

Bobbie sat on the couch with her knees curled up to her chest, banging her forehead against her knees. Why was she making an idiot of herself? All she wanted was to curl up in bed. And now she was here, and clearly picking up all the wrong signals. And did it really matter? He didn’t need her, he just needed a friend. It could’ve been anyone. She brought her head up, resting her chin on her knees as she waited for Dylan to get off the phone with whoever he was talking to. That reminded her of her own phone. Shit. Bobbie scrunched her nose as she leaned over the side of the couch and picked her phone up out of her own purse. Missed calls from her dad and Nick, a couple of texts from her mom. Bobbie sighed, typing out a quick text to her mom before dropping her phone back down. Just in time for Derek to come downstairs. He was shirtless, which moments before would’ve resulted in her gawking the hell out of him. But now she just looked back down at her fingers, trying to scratch at the edge of her nailpolish. “ Um… My best friend’s girl. I think it has Dane Cook,” she said , looking down at the Oreo’s between them. Bobbie tried not to smile, reaching down to pick them up. She sat as still as possible, feeling like her side closest to him was subconsciously trying to inch closer. But she couldn’t. He had been just as clear on the friends message as she had. And she didn’t want him to think that she was using him. She reached her hand up to hold her hand against the back of her neck, “ I uh.. I told my mom that I was staying here, ” she said quietly, looking over at him as she shrugged her shoulder. “But I’ll sleep on the couch. Probably better anyway, ..so..”

[DEREK EDWARD PARKER]

Derek nodded, reaching his hands behind his head to stretch before settling in, “Oh, good movie.” He noticed that she’d picked up the Oreo’s, so she couldn’t be THAT mad. But she was still awfully quiet. She mentioned telling her mom she was still staying over, so there was that, “oh, good.” But that was probably because she just simply didn’t want her parents to ask her if she’d been smoking. Derek looked over at her and then looked away again, nodding, “Oh. Okay, yeah I mean, wherever you’re comfortable. There’s the guest room too…” Derek turned to see Dylan leaving his room, wearing jeans now with a shirt and jacket, and his car keys. “Going out?” “Yeah, some guys I met are meeting down at the bar, I’m gonna go hang out for a bit.” Dylan ruffled his hair when he walked by, “See you guys later. Bobbie, it was nice meeting you, hope to see you more often,” he smiled and then went on his way upstairs. After a moment when Derek heard the door shut upstairs he said, “I’m sorry to have offended you.” He glanced over at her tentatively, “I hope you don’t think I don’t want you here. I mean,” he said, looking at his hands, “Today was cool. I do… like you. I just don’t want to cause any problems.” Derek took an Oreo so he had something to do with his hands, but then put it back. It occurred to him that he cared so much about making sure he hadn’t offended her because he cared how she felt. He cared because she cared. And he’d only really hung out with her today, but he already was beginning to care. He hated that he liked her so much when she was unavailable to him. And he knew damn well she liked him. It was like, something good happens for him, as unexpected as it was, but he couldn’t do anything about it. It was like someone was dangling her right in front of him and she was just out of reach. This was how Derek saw it; Bobbie and Nick would never last, not from what Derek had seen so far. And Bobbie had already said, if she wasn’t already dating someone… Derek didn’t want to wait until Nick was out of the picture to find out if her saying she’d never be with Derek was bull. Derek turned to look at her, letting go of whatever uncertainties he was holding and looked into her eyes. There were a lot of things that didn’t make sense to Derek. His brother leaving didn’t make any sense. But it had happened, and it had caused a chain of events. Things happened for a reason maybe. Maybe there was a reason Bobbie had walked into his world too. It didn’t make any sense, but she was here, and it happened. Because she made him feel a little less heavy today, no one else had done that. Something brought her to him. Derek was quiet for a moment, watching her and then decided he had to know. He turned his body toward hers; willing himself to forget all the complications, “Pause.” Derek leaned closer to her, slowly, half thinking she’d move away before he got there, moving his hand into her hair and kissed her. Something about it made him feel light, like someone had taken a load off of his shoulders. It was instantaneous, the kiss and the feeling that someone brought her to him for a reason. It was wrong to kiss a girl with a boyfriend, but it didn’t feel wrong. It felt like he was a bird taking flight for the first time in a thousand years. Derek pulled away, lingering for a second, not sure what she thought about that. But he at least knew now. He didn’t want to let go of this girl. Not when it clicked into place like that.

[BOBBIE JACQUELINE BRYAN]

That was right, there was the guest room. But honestly she didn’t think sleeping on the same level of the house of him was a good idea either. Dylan was already leaving, and she couldn’t tell by his plans whether or not he would be back tonight. She smiled, “ Of course,” she responded at his suggestion that he see her more often. As soon as he left, it seemed that Derek was taking it as an opportunity to apologize. Really he had nothing to apologize for, it was just a shitty situation. Bobbie narrowed her eyebrows as Derek spoke to her, saying all of these kind things, and that he liked her. She wanted to tell him that he wasn’t a problem. But he was a problem the moment he had walked into the class and been introduced by the teacher. He was a problem when he came to class wearing the black t-shirt. Or every time he had to move his hair from his eyes. He’d been a problem ever since her teacher had told her how talented he was. A problem once she realized how much it irritated her that he half-assed choir when he was so gifted. And even more of a problem when she could feel her heart pounding into her throat. Just a few weeks ago she had been perfectly happy with Nick. Things were going well at school, she was campaigning for prom queen, figuring out the song for her audition for the spring musical. Everything was going according to her plan… and then Derek showed up. In the last twenty-four hours she had skipped class, accepted the fact that she had a crush on someone other than her boyfriend, gotten high and now.. well she didn’t have to read minds to know what was going to happen next. Something inside of her was telling her to stop this before it happened, to push him away, to not become her father. But the moment his lips touched hers, everything went silent. Even the stupid menu screen from the movie seemed to mute out.Nothing about this was romantic. She was pretty sure she had oreo in her teeth, she was wearing his sweat pants, and they were in a pot smoke filled basement. But the second he pulled away from her, she was already moving towards him again. How can you kiss someone shirtless and think it’s okay to just back away? “ Still paused,” she said, gripping her hand around the back of his neck as she kissed him again. It was strange really, the combination of how badly she wanted to kiss him, mixed with how delicately they both seemed to be doing so. She wasn’t an expert on teenage hookups, but she didn’t think a majority of them were delicate. She should be thinking of the people that this might effect , the negatives of her actions ; but all she could think of was the fact that she couldn’t remember the last time her heart felt this alive, like it was bouncing around in her chest. Kissing him sort of felt like what she imagined her broadway dreams coming true would feel like ; completion. Like some part of her had pieced together that she didn’t even know was missing. She had brought her hand down from his neck with the thought of gripping his shirt, but that was right, he wasn’t wearing one. “ I can always negotiate on where I sleep,” she said curling her fingertips over his skin as she dropped them down to his stomach, wrapping her hand around his back. She smiled to herself at something Derek had said earlier, about how she hadn’t imagined her day like this when she woke up. Which was true. She had no idea while she was eating her blueberry pancakes this morning, that someone would come into her life and change her. But she didn’t want just this, she wanted to get to know him,too. Except he was shirtless, and his lips taste like perfection. She had every intention of getting to know him more for who he was. Later. She had always been a pretty direct and blunt person. So if she had wanted to be with anyone else, they would’ve known it. And even know she wasn’t sure if she should be with Derek… in that sense. But she did know that if anyone had a chance at taking her world and shaking it up, it’d be him. Bobbie slid up, sliding into his lap so that she was facing him before leaning in to kiss him again cautiously.